Vivid Nightmares

Last night I dreamt I had a miscarriage. In my dream, I was sitting in a restaurant, when a sudden gush of warm yellowish mucus tinged with blood gust out just in time as I ran to the toilet.

The nightmares are back to haunt me again.

Since childhood, I have been plagued with persistent nightmares.  They used to be the predictable kind:  I was always lost in an unknown place, with a crazy evil man just chasing me from everywhere I hide. 

2 years ago, I had dreamt my father died, and I wept in my dreams.

Last year, I had dreamt that Tonton killed baby EggEgg by bashing his head on the wall.

Over the past couple of years, I had murdered at least 6 people in my nightmares. The first man who died, I was stabbing him over and over again with a knife, twisting this way and that  to make sure he's dead.  The second man, I bashed his head with a rock repeated until it's become a mush.  By the time I murdered the 6th man in my dream last month, it becomes numb. The details doesn't register in my brain anymore.

I had dream of myself dying. The flesh on my left shoulder was rotting away, I could see maggots chewing it, exposing the bones underneath.

I had dreamt of my brother dying.  His nose is no longer there, it is just filled with fibrous grooves, and I could see his blood vessels pulsating behind his face.

I had dreamt of my arm being amputated, and in the middle of the night, I woke up screaming, "My hand! My hand!"

When I tell others about the nightmares, they dismissed it as trivial. My mum said "it's because you are having too good a sleep. You should work harder and you'll have less time to dream."   Tonton just ignores it completely, for he is the fortunate type who could not remembers his dreams in the morning.

On some nights, the fear is so terrible that I am afraid of falling asleep, reentering that realm of horror once more.  Until exhaustion takes over.