Making excuses for our children's faults

As parents, we have a perfect image of our children: our own kid are lovely little angels that everybody must love. At what stage do we shed that disillusion, and begin to see our child's imperfections that's right in front of our eyes?

A friend of mine has a peculiar way to turn a blind eye to her 2yo's weakness and sees them as strengths. She labelled her child as having a "strong sense of curiosity" to explain for his habitual playing with toilet water, toppling out all the water in a drinking cup, and sucking beer bottles from the recycle bin. The fact that he runs wild on the street and in the shops is labelled as having "an independent personality". Behaviour for a baby, maybe. But for a 2yo who can't even feed himself properly? That's independence?

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I wouldn't have noticed EggEgg's problem too, if it were not for the birth of Cola. Having a "normal" baby to compare with, i realised that EggEgg has been a horrible habitual whinger.

He's been whining since he's a baby: Cuddle him for a nap, he whinges next to me for the next 30 min. Pick him up after a nap, he whines for another 30 minutes. Fasten him in a high chair for food, whine. Finish all the food, whine. Wear a bib, whine. Put in car seat, whine. Being first time parents, I kept on making excuses for him, "oh, he must be hungry/tired/over-stimulated" "oh, it must be separation anxiety".

By the time he turns 1, the whining continues. Whines during meal times. Whines during poo times. Whines when we take him to friends to play. Whines with the grandparents. Clip his fingernails, wash his face, blow his nose, he must struggle and whine. I was naive enough to continue making excuses for him, "oh, he must be frustrated coz he can't talk yet." "oh, he doesn't like strangers", and my favourite all timer: "he's usually very good, I don't know why he's behaving like this today."

At 2yo, I still blindly make excuses for his constant tantrums, "oh, it must be the terrible twos, when they are testing their boundaries" "oh, he must be trying to seek attention to get me away from the baby." (Even Tonton felt compelled to find a reason for his demeanour: "Perhaps he's sick today?" My reply: "If so, how many days in the year is he not sick?")

If EggEgg were an adult, his behaviour would be classified as a bipolar disorder. EggEgg's the merriest little boy when he's at his best,but he can be screaming bloody murder the next moment. His mood is like the ever changing weather, never predictable. (I know I can make this judgement since I have Cola in my arms, who behaving as a "normal baby" would.)

It took me 2 years to accept this as EggEgg's problem, to openly admit that he's a horribly whinny kid, and to stop making excuses for him. For 2 years I've lived with this daily whining. It is time to put a stop to it. I should put on my thinking cap now.