It striked me that the number of photos I've been taking has exponentially skyrocketed in the past 3 months. The counter on my Nikon indicated that I've taken over 10,000 by now. Considering the fact that I've had that camera for less than a year, and I don't take photos for a living, that's too much. Sadly, the quality of my photos has not improved much either.
Why am I so absolutely obssessed with recording the moments of my life? Since primary school, I had kept diaries (voice diaries! video diaries!) hoards of correspondence and emails with friends, blogs and now, photo blogs. It must have to do with my morbid fear of death. The fear grips me worse when I'm depressed or when I could not sleep at night.
Normal people don't fear death, as my bro said, "It comes to you and you don't even know what happened, why are you so scared?"
There is one scene in the movie Blade Runner that best describe my irrational fear. The replicant Batty, in his final moments, lamented,
"I've seen things you people wouldn't believe.
Attack ships on fire off the shoulders of Orion.
I watched C-Beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate.
All those moments will be lost in time, like tears, in rain...
Time to die."
ps. EggEgg has just turned 1 yesteday, and he's started to walk. I want to be there with him & Tonton, for forever.
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