I am sorry Cola, Mami has been absent for way too long.

Look at you now, 4 years old.  All independent and a mind of your own which I often can't read.  I am sorry I've neglected you for so long.  I am not making excuses for treating you as middle child.  What has originally seemed like a momentary lapse of interest in you boys (http://ilovejappy.blogspot.com.au/2010/03/i-have-forgotten-how-to-live.html), has drawn out to be a 3 year long disinterest.  Lately, I have woken up to the realisation that, I have been an absent mother to you in the past 3 years.

What were your favourite toys? I can hardly answer that, because I rarely played one-on-one with you.  It was always your big brother who directed our playtime.

What were your favourite books? I can only remember the countless, guilt-laden days when I made some excuses to drive you away to read on your own.

What skills did I teach you? Did I teach you how to hold your pencil, cut your first piece of paper, put on your own clothes or take off your own shoes? No, Mami wasn't there for you.  You acquired all your skills from your big brother EggEgg.

Each night when I saw you in bed, I promised myself, "Tomorrow! When tomorrow comes, I will play with you. I will read to you and have a good time with you."  But tomorrow came and went, and nothing happened for the past 3 years. (http://ilovejappy.blogspot.com.au/2010/01/my-broken-promises-to-cola.html) There was always something that distracted me, some household chore, some demand from EggEgg, a sense of boredom which drove me into a inward world of my own.

I am truly sorry, sorry, sorry.

I can see that you've grown to be a very quiet boy, constantly following EggEgg around even when he used you and bullied you.  You have nowhere to voice your witticisms, nowhere to show off your achievements, and noone to teach you what's right and what's wrong.  You have a fiery temper much like mine, and untamed too, because nobody has taught you how.

Is it too late to make amends now? You seemed to prefer the iPad or the TV more than my company these days.  Is it too late to read to you now? I could barely hold your interest in new books, you'd slip away after the first few stories, never asking for a reread.  Is it to late to play with you now? I'm afraid you have found EggEgg to be a much better play companion than me.

My dear Cola, do you know, you were once my favourite child?